Still alive

Hey everyone! I'm still alive, just very very stressed at the moment. But what's new, that's probably just my life! I really appreciate everyones comments though. They do help me remember my motivation. I'm at 306 now. I am still doing zumba every night that I can and just really watching calories. I tried this hi-energy thing for about two weeks but I found it to be way too restrictive and ended up doing it the way I know has worked best for me in the past. How is everyone else doing?

Day 14

So today I did pretty good. I have really been thinking through some stuff and I think I may have figured out one of my emotional issues. I'm gonna keep pondering it and I will post about it when I am sure about it.
How is everyone else doing? Hope e drying had a good st pats day!

Until next time 8)

Day 13

Yesterday was yuck yuck yuck. For some reason I decided to eat everything in sight. I also decided to start a food journal and for some reason that made me want to eat more! It was crazy!!! Anyway, I did do much better with eating today.
My mom also took me shopping for some new clothes today and that was awful! I mean really, at this weight what is the point?!? The only shopping I do these days is for the kids. Their clothes are a lot cheaper anyway lol.
I had announced Monday I was starting the couch to 5k program that day but it has been put off to next Monday because I possibly have someone interested in doing it with me, so we will see. Zumba is still coming along though diligently at least 5 night/ week. I'm thinking about weighing in the morning because hopefully I will have lost some and it will cheer me up.

Day 11

Soo... Anyone miss me? Hahaha, no truthfully Friday I didnt post because after watching all the tragedies going on all day all I wanted to do that night was lay down and cuddle with my kids. Who wants to read someone's whining when there are waayyy worse things in the world?!?

So today was weigh in day and I made the mistake of stepping on the scales midday instead of first thing in the morning. And....dum dum dumdum..312, two pounds up. Which I know weight can fluctuate throughout the day but I'm thinking at the very least it means I didn't lose anything. So I am trying to think back about what I might have done wrong and I am really not sure. I do know that all my hormones are not "put back together as they should be" as im not quite six weeks post partum. Maybe it has something to do with that.

So anyone watch Ruby last night?? What do you think her secret is?? Do you think it's true that all overweight people are as such because they are trying to hide their secret? Ps, heard a rumor someone is disqualified on BL, anyone have any guesses??

Day 7 but not a "weak" yet!!

So as I mentioned the stress yesterday, it just keeps getting worse.  Please give me a few minutes to whine, then I'll eat my cheese with it and shut up!  As I have said, I am currently on maternity leave for another week and one day.  Because I had just started my job when I found out I was prego, I did not have enough time saved up to take the entire time off paid.  Therefore, I had enough time to space out over my six weeks to cover the insurance costs and the rest of it was LWOP.  Last week I found out that they were trying to short me two days I had "paid", I had even called to verify the amount of leave I had a couple of weeks before I went on leave so something like this would not happen!!!  So today I call the head honchos to get it straightened out and get nowhere.  Why did they even want me to call?????  To reiterate that they were still going to screw me over?  I guess so...  Anyway, that's part of what is going on.

I did do pretty good today with my diet considering normally at this point I would have been eating everything in site.  Each time I decided to eat something throughout the day I would question myself, am I really hungry or is this the stress talking.  Hooray for me!  And I found yesterday from a very special helper Jendi, that there are several events in my area I can participate in for charity and hopefully get to run my first 5K before the spring is over!  http://www.active.com/ if anyone is interested.  These people will be in disbelief when they see someone in the upper 200s show up at the starting line (at least I hope I will be out of the 300s by then!).  LOL!  I am going to follow the couch to 5k method (http://www.cto5k.com/, I think..) which she also recommended and I have a friend who has been doing this for some time now and she is getting great results as well.  I think she is up to 2.5 miles after 4 months so she is taking it slowly but surely.

I did my zumba tonight and my little girl who is 2.5 yo LOVES to dance so anything that resembles dancing she wants to do.  She is consitantly saying "mommy, lets do zumba!"  Makes me proud to hear her say that.  However, she informed me tonight that i had to pull my shirt up to show my belly like the girls do on the DVD in order to do it correctly.  HAHAHA...if she only knew.  Gotta love little ones and their innocence though!  I can promise yall, until I am the size of the girls on the DVD with no jiggling, i will not be pulling my shirt up so yall won't have to keep your eyes covered!!!!!

Hope everyone else's journies are going well too.  Weather is supposed to be in the 80's by next week so its gonna be awesome outside weather!
Until tomorrow... 8)

Day 6

Sooo, some very stressful stuff going on right now and there is nothing that can be done to fix it. This next week to maybe the next couple of months will be a true test to see how I can handle my eating. When I first have something hit me that I consider bad news or uber stressful, I am initially sick at my stomach and then after I have had a few hours to start sorting things out I begin to eat everything in site, especially sweets. So today at lunch is when I first started encountering the situation and I could not eat the chicken salad I had. So I saved the chicken off of it as the rest does not save well in my opinion, and I had it for a snack a few hours later. All in all i think I did ok today on the eating. I had a rest day today as far as exercise goes...my first in seven days so I am ok with that.
Any of you out there single parents of YOUNG children, like young enough they still depend on you for all their needs? I know I am married but for the most part I feel like a single parent for various reasons and I am having some real difficulty getting a weekday routine in that includes exercise. Right now I can exercise because I am still on maternity leave but there's only another week left of it.

So how is everyone else's journies going? Keep me posted, hopefully I can be at the computer to read some blogs tomorrow.

Until tomorrow... 8)

Day 5!

Today wasn't bad...my eating was ok. I did do my zumba today. Also went to walmart which I always consider a workout because I end up walking around the store a million times getting stuff I forgot. But despite all of that, I just feel kinda bloated right now...like im really really super fat. I go back to work from maternity leave in less than 2 weeks and I still haven't tried my work pants/slacks back on because I dread them not fitting. I have discovered that even if you weigh less than you did before, if your clothes lay dormant for a period of time they shrink!!! Lol!!
I did get to watch the biggest loser tonight, and although I absolutely love Bob...that new male trainer is freaking hot!!! Thats all I can say. Haha. I think it's ironic that the mom on the black team has gained weight so many times to try to throw the weigh in so it will be her that goes home and when the black team finally does lose a weigh in, she is the biggest loser and has immunity. Karma anyone??

Tomorrow WILL be better. Until next time... 8)

Day 4...weigh in day!

Just want to start out again thanking everyone and to let y'all know I will follow your journeys too as soon as the get our Internet working again, I have been posting all if these from a phone and I'm about to go blind...haha!

So even though I just started this four days ago, I wanted to go ahead and make Mondays weigh in day because I am one if those people who already hates Monday anyway so why ruin another day with a weigh in?!?! So my starting weight on Friday was 312 and today was 311. Hooray one less pound to deal with. Other than that I was not very active today, I had a fussy newborn for some reason (really praying hes not trying to get sick). I did do 30min of zumba tonight though.
On another note, is it just me or are most people in similar circumstances as me as obsessed with weight loss shows as I am? And if so I wonder why that is? If not, do I just need special help??? Lol. I watch them all though... BL, Ruby, Heavy on a&e, I used to be fat on MTV, too fat for 15 on style, and there's even a new one on CW called shedding for the wedding. I think I live vicariously through them and the Real Housewives of nj, oc, and Miami! Maybe my subconscious wants to lose the weight so I can party like them??? LMBO!!!!!
Ok y'all, tomorrow WILL be a more health conscious day! Until then...8)

Day 3. Yaaayy!!

I have heard it takes six weeks to make/break a habit, so my first small goal will be to stick with my exercise programs for six weeks. Like many of you out there have mentioned...there is nooo moolah for the gym or a trainer so I will be doing it all from home in between diapers, bottles, and pretty soon work again *sigh*, six weeks goes by sooo quickly when it means leaving your baby and going back to work. My plan is to do some sprinting on the hand-me-down treadmill I have that nearly killed me the other day because it is sooo old it does not have a reliable kill switch, and it's very rickety. So I was stupid and thought my fat butt could do some of those cool looking jump on jump off moves they do on BL when running sprints, and the thing rared up on me...it was hilarious once I figured out I didn't die LOL!! My next exercise routine will be to do at least an hour a day of either the zumba DVDs or Just Dance game at least five days a weeks. Now that's that...five weeks and five days to go.
I did have a much better day (baked chicken breast for lunch and grilled pork chops for dinner), and I feel more at peace today. But, as I let stress get to me that can change in a heartbeat. The hilight of the day was when my husband raided his mommy's cabinets looking for sweets (like I said I cleared them out of our house) and yells at his 11 year old brother "I can't believe you dont have any candy!". It was truly LOL hilarious...poor guy, he may have to get his own secret stash.

On a final note, I really want to thank everyone for the words if encouragement and support!! It is soo amazing! I have a very long road ahead of me so those who are traveling along with me, might as well take your coats off and stay awhile. Until next time... 8)

Ps. First big weigh in tomorrow so prayers are requested, expected, and accepted lol!

Day 2

P.s. From initial post, to keep myself honest I was gonna post my starting weight and it "slipped my mind" lol if you believe that! So my starting weight is 312...did I mention I was fat?!? I plan on doing a weekly weigh-in. My overall goal is obviously better health. And as I previously mentioned, to look amazing haha. My weight loss goal is 170lbs eventually...hopefully?!? And my fitness goal is to run a marathon!


However, many more days like today and the aforementioned goals will not be reality! Today was a rainy, cold, windy day...one of those days you can just wake up and know nothing good will come of it. However, my potty training two year old did choose today to finally get it down, and of course she wanted to be rewarded with the golden arches, and we all know there are no good food choices there for the fat momma, so I didn't even try...I know whine, whine, whine. Dinner wasn't any better...pizza *gasp*!! But on a positive note, I did go to the supercenter without stocking up in the sugary sweets that are my major downfall. My zumba DVDs came in today!! And I am sticking to my rule of absolutely no food after 8:30pm! Yay me!!! Baby steps maybe?
Until next time... 8)

Day 1!?!? Here goes something!

Ok, so I am a twenty-wight year old mother of two wonderful (stressful!) loving, adorable kids. Can you tell I love them to bits?? I have been married for three and a half years. Enuf with the intro...now why I am really here. I am fat. Plain and simple. I have been my entire life and quite frankly I may always be. However, after the birth of my son exactly one month ago I decided then and there that I was going to try and lose the weight, and for good this time. Of course I want to be healthy and set a good example for my kids, but let's be honest I want to look good in clothes and be able to wear a bikini!! I want someone to say I look HOT! And I really want to do this while my kids are still young enough that they won't remember having a fat momma. I know my biggest obstacle to my journey will be stress. I let everything stress me out and if course I am a stress eater. As a matter of fact, today after contemplating some bill issues I loaded the kids up and drove to the store to get a chocolate candy bar as I had already rid the cabinets of all sweets! I know that I will have setbacks, but I am hoping that my accomplishments of my goals and a lot of self-accountability will far outweigh those setbacks. Obviously I am going to need a lot of help and support, but I am not sure if I will get that from my family, and with two kids two and under I feel as if I have no friends, just people I am friendly with. However I am gonna wake up tomorrow and do my best because our best is all we can do. Stay tuned... 8)